Peace amidst the Pandemic

COVID 19, The Pandemic, Corona Virus, Quarantine... however you prefer to refer to the current world situation it's affecting all of us. Some worse than others. I am definitely on the others end of that for which I am deeply grateful but, although my struggle has been small, it has been present. 

I have had tough days adjusting to homeschooling my kids. We've taken turns having meltdowns and struggled to control our anger and frustration with each other. 

I've had days where I scroll through Facebook, my anxiety mounting, as I read the reports, watch the videos, and compare the conflicting statistics.

My essential trip to Walmart the other day left me feeling frazzled at best. Turns out staying six feet away from people is harder than you think. I felt like a flipping vulture circling popular aisles waiting for it to be empty enough to quickly grab what my family needs and then make room for the next jittery person. All of us smiling at each other in a distant attempt to feel human again. 

My six year old sighed deeply and slumped onto the couch next to me the other day. "Ugh. I just feel like our house is a prison, like we can't get out and do the stuff we used to do..." a tear slid down her freckled cheeks "I miss my friends." 

I've had awkward conversations with family members as we all try to figure out how to properly quarantine, stay sane, stay safe, and keep a ranch running with thousands of sheep giving birth to thousands more lambs. 

I've had anxious conversations with my husband about how the pandemic will affect our small business, about how long it will take before orders stop coming and bills wait, unpaid. About how much is in savings and how long it will last. Worrying about me being pregnant and him having asthma.

Its been weird. Uncomfortable. Frustrating. Scary. Devastating..... And yet.... Beautiful. 

My 9 year old randomly gave me a hug and told me she's so glad she has a mom after we worked on a difficult lesson of math, her hardest subject.

My six year old said she loves having me as her teacher and that I am officially the best mom ever because I got giant boxes from the local furniture store to make a sweet fort in the basement.

My little two year old thinks the lunches and breakfasts from the elementary school are the best thing ever and is enjoying having her sisters to play with all day long. 

We get to join daddy on the farm whenever we want. Just the other day we discovered a whole cow skeleton while on a run to haul water to a bunch of sheep in the hills. 

We have enjoyed and prepared more meals together than ever before.

We have focused on the good. On the unity we see and hear about in our local and online communities. We've kept in contact with distant family more than normal and although we miss each other somehow we are closer.

We have baked and cooked and shared eggs from our chickens. 

My girls have learned to rely on each other and are building their relationships with each other. As a I write, they are playing "airplane" downstairs while watching an hour long Youtube video of a cockpit view on a flight. And. They're. Getting. Along. (AND IT WAS THEIR IDEA!)

We've watched less TV than normal, our time is spent more productively and creatively. 

I've spent more quality time with my babies and we've been able to do things we didn't have time for before. We snuggle more. We talk more. We take the time to answer all those random questions... just ask me about mushroom foraging, I'm practically a pro now. 

Easter was holy. It was quiet and meaningful and instead of fussing about church dresses and pictures and perfect food for a perfect shared dinner with extended family... it was just us. Just us and the time to talk about Jesus. To answer questions about how and why... to learn...to testify to the most important people in my life, my babies. 

It's been an unexpected blessing. All this extra time, all this extra love. The focus on what's important. The simplicity. The bonding. The perspective. 

We do our best with distance, limited shopping trips, washing hands, conserving toilet paper, and using hand sanitizer... and then we pray. We fast. We let the lack of control in and realize that it is simply reliance on God. And when we do all we can, and choose not to live in fear but to live in trust, then we are at peace. 

And somehow our quarantine, our prison becomes holy as we start to see the blessings amidst the pandemic. 

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